Books for Better Relationships
For many of us, the idea of a fulfilling, secure romantic relationship can feel out of reach. We all long for the kind of love that feels safe and steady — a love we can trust, lean on, and feel at home in when life gets hard. We all deserve that kind of love.
Yet if we didn’t grow up witnessing healthy relationships in our families of origin, or if we’ve never experienced secure love ourselves, it can feel daunting to build something we’ve never seen. How do we create emotional connection, safety, and trust when we don’t have a clear blueprint for what that looks like?
Thankfully, many psychologists, philosophers, counsellors, and relationship experts have spent their lives exploring what makes love last — and what helps couples and individuals grow stronger together. Their relationship self-help books offer research-based tools, personal wisdom, and new ways of understanding attachment, communication, and connection.
Below, you’ll find a list of some of the best books about love and relationships — ones that explore everything from attachment styles and emotional intimacy to conflict repair and self-growth. My hope is that among them, you’ll discover perspectives that resonate with you and support you in your own journey toward healthier, more secure, and more fulfilling love.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Written by: John Gottman, PhD and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD
John and Julie Gottman are two of the most well-known and respected couples therapists in the world. Together, they’ve spent decades studying what makes relationships succeed or fall apart — and their research has shaped much of what we know today about healthy, lasting love.
Through their work at The Gottman Institute, they’ve identified key patterns that predict whether a relationship will thrive or struggle, and they’ve turned those findings into practical tools that real couples can use. Their approach combines empathy and evidence: blending the emotional depth of connection with science-backed strategies for communication, conflict repair, and trust-building.
The Gottmans’ books, such as The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates, are among the most popular relationship self-help books available today. They’re especially helpful for couples who want to strengthen emotional intimacy, navigate conflict with more understanding, and build a relationship rooted in mutual respect and affection.
I’ve chosen Eight Dates because the format of the book makes for a fun, collaborative read fro couples. It’s an excuse to set aside time on eight separate occassions and to sit down and have conversations that are important, sometimes challenging, and often incredibly insightful.
“Happily ever after simply means that both partners are known, valued, accepted for who they are and who they are becoming. The goal is to be able to love your partner more deeply each and every year you’re together.”
Wire for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
Written by: Stan Tatkin, PsyD
This is a great book for those who appreciate a scientific lens and want a concrete understanding of the root causes of conflict in relationships — and why it can be so hard to change our patterns. Tatkin offers a clear introduction to attachment theory, helping readers understand both their own attachment adaptations and their partner’s.
What makes this book especially valuable is how it explains why simply knowing how to have a better relationship often isn’t enough. Tatkin highlights the powerful role our nervous systems play in our relational struggles, showing that when we’re triggered or overwhelmed, it’s not our rational brain running the show. By bringing awareness to these automatic reactions, we can begin to cultivate more understanding, empathy, and security in our relationship.
“When we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, “I take you as my pain in the rear, with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you now are in my care.”
The Art of Loving
Written by: Erich Fromm
First published in 1956, The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm remains one of the most influential books ever written about love. Fromm, a social psychologist and humanist philosopher, explores love not as something that simply happens to us, but as an art — a skill that requires practice, awareness, and personal growth.
Of course, this book was written nearly seventy years ago, and some of Fromm’s language and ideas reflect the social norms of his time. For some readers, that might make parts of the text feel outdated or less inclusive.
That said, if you enjoy philosophy and appreciate the idea of working on relationships as an “art,” this book can offer a meaningful reframe. Viewing love as a practice — something we consciously cultivate rather than passively receive — can help us see our relational challenges as part of a deeper process. It reminds us that love, while often messy and demanding, is also a path of growth: one that can bring us closer to the kind of connection and intimacy we long for.
“Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.”
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Written by: Dr. Sue Johnson
Hold Me Tight is a foundational book for anyone interested in understanding how attachment shapes our romantic relationships. Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), draws on decades of research to show that love is not a mystery — it’s an emotional bond rooted in our biology and our need for safety and connection.
Through real stories and practical exercises, Johnson helps readers identify the negative cycles that cause distance and conflict, and learn how to move toward secure connection instead. Rather than focusing on communication skills or quick fixes, she invites couples to slow down, tune in to the emotions underneath their patterns, and reach for each other in moments of vulnerability.
This book is ideal for those who want a compassionate, research-based guide to building closeness and trust. I often recommend this book to couples or folks who come in for relationship counselling, as it compliments the work we will do together.
“Love has an immense ability to help heal the devastating wounds that life sometimes deals us. Love also enhances our sense of connection to the larger world. Loving responsiveness is the foundation of a truly compassionate, civilized society.”
Relationships can be some of the most rewarding, and at the same time most challenging, parts of our lives. The books on this list offer guidance, insight, and practical tools to help us navigate love with more awareness, compassion, and intentionality. Some focus on understanding ourselves and our attachment patterns, others on improving communication, deepening intimacy, or cultivating secure, lasting connection.
Not every book will resonate with every reader — and that’s okay. Part of the journey of love is exploring different perspectives and finding the ideas, practices, and insights that speak to you and your unique relationship.
Whether you’re reading on your own or with a partner, approaching love as a skill, a practice, and a journey can transform how we relate — to ourselves, to our partners, and to the kind of love we long for. These books are a guide, a companion, and sometimes even a mirror, helping us move closer to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
